


Silent Admission

by creepy_shetan



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Between Seasons/Series, Community: comment_fic, Developing Relationship, Gen, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Slash, unexpected word count
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28032585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creepy_shetan/pseuds/creepy_shetan
Summary: In which just another day gradually becomes anything but ordinary. Set roughly between s16 and s17 (spring/summer 2015).(Originally posted 2020/12/5 as a fill for a prompt.)
Relationships: Rafael Barba & Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37
Collections: Bite Sized Bits of Fic from 2020





	Silent Admission

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cozy_coffee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cozy_coffee/gifts).



Barba leaned back in his chair, chin in his hand, and watched the defense try their damnedest to discredit his witness. He didn't exactly smile, but he looked far too engrossed in the train wreck, probably, like an arsonist staring into a bonfire. The poor kid of a lawyer was now trying to get her to claim that her revised testimony was coerced by the police.

As soon as she mentioned Detective Carisi by name, the kid looked like he'd won a round of Taboo. He asked the witness to point out where the man in question was sitting in the gallery. Carisi had yet to testify--and wasn't likely to, at the rate this was going. He wasn't the lead on the case, anyway; he was tertiary at best. 

Still, drawing attention to where the SVU detectives sat behind Barba was going to backfire, he could tell already. For the most part, the jury had appeared receptive to Rollins' testimony earlier, especially after she shared some of the charming behavior the defense's client had exhibited in her presence.

After a couple of softball questions to set the stage, the young lawyer tried to knock her off balance. The witness didn't get that whatsoever, of course, and continued to respond simply and honestly, just like she and Barba had practiced.

"No, the police didn't make me do anything. I wanted to be honest."

"You _wanted_ to? What changed?"

"Well, meeting Detective Carisi, I guess."

"You guess?"

"Yes. I realized I was wrong. It was wrong to not tell the police everything I'd seen and heard."

"Why after meeting _him_ ," he made a vague motion in Carisi's direction, "in particular?"

"The other detectives were nice-- _polite_ \--but he was the most... genuine, I think."

Barba tried not to move a muscle as he listened. They hadn't prepared for this line of questioning, but like hell he was going to give that away. Fortunately, she had the sense not to look at anyone other than who was standing before her. In the slightly-too-long pause before the next question, the witness continued to speak, looking directly into the eyes of the defense attorney.

"He had a trustworthy smile," she declared with a light smile of her own. There was even a little nod.

If she was twenty years older, Barba wouldn't have been surprised if she threw in a comment about Carisi reminding her of her own son. Come to think of it, Barba wouldn't be surprised if Carisi could easily remember her son's name right off the top of his head.

Barba glanced at the jury. Half of them were staring at Carisi now, and half of those were rather appreciative of what they saw. One woman in particular was clearly reluctant to return her attention back to the task at hand. Barba leaned forward to make a note. She had been one of the jurors who had given him an early impression of being indecisive or possibly against a guilty verdict.

"I'm sure," the poor kid eventually said in response. He cleared his throat. The wind had definitely left his sails. He must have gotten a good look at the jury as well, to say nothing of his client, who was glaring daggers at the table in front of their seats.

 _At least he can read the room_ , Barba thought. He looked like he was making another note, but really he was playing an anagram word game with himself in the margins.

The defense wisely steered the focus away from Carisi and the SVU, but he didn't have much to work with. The witness didn't know his client and had barely known the victim's name before the apartment stairwell incident.

"No further questions, Your Honor."

~*~*~*~

Later, in the hallway, Barba caught Rollins tilting her chin towards him and making a show of her phone as she wandered away from where Carisi stood with Olivia. Both turned around as he closed the gap between them.

"I need you after all, Detective," Barba said briskly by way of greeting to Carisi. "On the stand, preferably. More than your 'trustworthy smile' lurking in the back." He turned to Olivia. "Hey, Liv. You can go back to work. If you want."

"Noah has a doctor's appointment in an hour." At Barba's change in expression she added, "No, no, a standard boring one. Don't worry."

"Oh, okay then. Best wishes anyway," he replied with more warmth, or at least tried to. She seemed to pick up on it.

"Thanks," she said, turning halfway to go before pausing to address Carisi, "Get yourself some lunch, all right?"

"Y-Yeah," Carisi stuttered. It was the first word he'd said since Barba had joined them. "See ya later."

With a smile and a wave, she, too, was gone. Barba looked up at Carisi.

"What was that about?"

"Had, uh, a rough morning," he replied. Barba already knew a bit about it, from the way he and Rollins were almost late to court. There was always another case, but thankfully whatever it was, it didn't leave either of them visibly injured. If anything, Carisi sounded embarrassed and apologetic. "I've only had half a bagel since dawn, maybe."

"How are you vertical right now?"

"Okay, yeah," Carisi answered, head nodding and eyes flicking upward briefly, "an' some caffeine, an' a couple 'a mini Snickers."

"Not even fun size. How tragic." Barba sighed and shook his head sadly as he checked his watch. They had recessed early, so there was plenty of time before they were due back in court.

"Well then, let's go."

"Go? Where?" Carisi looked honestly confused.

"Yeah... You need to be more alert before that jury sees you up close."

"What?"

"C'mon. I know just the place."

~*~*~*~

After lunch, after court, and after the end of a work day with surprisingly little overtime, Barba found himself drinking at a table in a relatively quiet cop bar and sitting across from Fin and Rollins. Rollins had suggested celebratory drinks, and Fin had agreed to come along in Olivia's place.

"Here ya go," Carisi told them upon his return with three fresh beers. He slid into his seat next to Barba, who immediately saw the extra glass, but it took him a full second to comprehend it.

"What did you--?" Barba started to ask before Carisi spoke over him with a light pat to his shoulder.

"It's on me. No, really," he said, now with a placating motion. "Good job today."

"I'll drink to that," Rollins said, clinking her bottle against the others' drinks. The others followed her lead.

"But this is the last one for us, Carisi," Fin said, gesturing to himself and Rollins.

"Another early morning wake-up call? Pffft, no thanks," he said, cutting through the air with one hand. "I'm out."

"Yeah yeah," Rollins said, rolling her eyes. "We've got a field trip tomorrow, first thing."

"It's gotta do with a case from before your time," Fin elaborated. "So ya got lucky."

"We're not gonna spare you next time, though."

Barba was content to listen to the detectives talk while he took a slow sip of his second drink. He blinked, the rim of the glass still close to his lips. It was the same as his first--he knew the taste well. He didn't think Carisi had heard his order when they arrived. The bartender most likely remembered it, but, peering over, Barba saw a different man working there.

"Ya all righ', Counselor?"

Barba snapped back to attention. The first bartender was probably taking a break.

"Yeah, fine," he said dismissively, and with hardly a pause for breath in between, he asked the table, "By the way, that toast just now? Was it to my less-than-hard work, or to the junior detective's wallet? You know. Just to be clear."

Rollins shrugged, a touch of mischief showing through in her smile.

"Can't it be both?"

~*~*~*~

"Ya mind if I walk with you? Jus' for a while, 'til we get to--"

"--It's fine," Barba said, looking up from his phone notifications. "Be my guest."

They crossed a street, then another, and soon they were passing more residences than businesses. Carisi glanced at Barba's profile.

"Ya said that earlier. Well..."

"What?"

"Is everything really fine?" Carisi asked, his voice low and serious.

Barba paused mid-step. He turned towards Carisi. Carisi mirrored him, his full attention on Barba and not on the lowest branch of the tree next to them growing in the sidewalk.

"'Cause if I--"

"Wait--Can you just--" Barba moved forward, his hands on Carisi's elbows and ready to pivot him away from hitting his head.

But Carisi, as if on reflex, quickly stepped away from it on his own. And then, as if measuring, he carefully stepped farther back, away from Barba.

"So, uh," he cleared his throat, "you good?" Carisi repeated, a little louder and a lot more awkwardly.

Barba stared. He slowly let his empty hands fall back to his sides. He should have simply pointed at the branch.

"I'm good," he confirmed, slow and cautious. He watched Carisi's face and saw that his eyes were trained on the pocket square in his jacket. Barba decided to go for it. "How did you know my drink order?"

His lips parting slightly, Carisi shifted where he stood and looked up for a brief moment. He didn't try to feign ignorance, so credit to him for that.

"Another time we went out to celebrate something, ya ordered the same thing."

"That was weeks ago."

"Yeah, I know," Carisi said quietly. He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand while the other curled around his hip, pushing his jacket open wider. He wasn't wearing his badge, Barba noted.

He also noted the look in Carisi's eyes when he was finally able to hold his gaze again.

"There you are," Barba said, almost to himself, his voice soft. Barba took a small step closer. Carisi didn't move backward, but he sighed, a little shaky with disbelief.

They stayed silent for a couple of beats, each processing and reassessing. Then Carisi shook his head at some thought of his.

"What?" Barba asked, pointedly ignoring every negative answer that suddenly sprang to his own mind.

"Y'know, at the courthouse," Carisi said, one corner of his mouth lifting, "I thought I'd fallen asleep standin' up for a sec."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Ya said something you couldn't possibly have said."

"Which was?"

"'I need you.'"

Barba clamped his mouth shut. He swallowed. Carisi simply waited, but something about him looked steadier, more confident. Barba wasn't actually blushing, was he? Screw it. Two could play at that game.

"Well, to be fair," Barba replied when he could, "You said something at the bar that I thought I'd misheard, too."

"Yeah? And that was...?"

"'I'm out.'"

Carisi completely froze. Then he burst out laughing. Barba was more than a little relieved to see all the tension in his frame dissolve into amusement. The air between them felt less heavy as well. He hadn't noticed its weight until it was abruptly lifted.

"Let me buy you dinner," Barba said before he could overthink it.

Carisi rolled his lips between his teeth, and the last of his chuckling was reined in. His smile, however, was big and bright and warm--and it couldn't be contained.

"Two meals alone with you in one day? Sounds like I'm dreamin'. We gettin' drinks again, too?"

Barba hummed as if in thought. The way Carisi crookedly bit one side of his lower lip as he continued to smile was making him bold.

"I'm open to the idea, but I'd prefer somewhere more private," he said with a slow smile of his own.

He made sure Carisi could see the way his gaze trailed down and back up to Carisi's face. It lacked all subtlety in its appreciation and curiosity, and it made Carisi swear under his breath and redden a little as he broke eye contact, so Barba felt zero regret for it.

"That of course can be for another night," he added, shrugging. "We both still have work tomorrow, after all."

"Yeah, uh, that's true." Carisi quickly recovered this time, perhaps relieved at the change in tone, or perhaps the pragmatic reminder steadying him. "How 'bout we see how dinner goes?"

"Agreed," Barba said easily with a nod. "What are you in the mood for?"

As they discussed nearby options and whether to take a cab, Carisi leaned in closer than necessary to look over Barba's shoulder at the map on his phone. When they inevitably disagreed on the better street from which to hail a cab, Carisi started walking in the wrong direction, and Barba stopped him short by grabbing his hand.

"C'mon, Rafael." Carisi adjusted his hand a little and lightly tugged Barba forward, his eyes earnest and his smile soft. "Don't you trust me?"

Barba didn't say anything; he didn't even nod. He simply fell into step beside Carisi and kept holding his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt: Any, any male, he had a trustworthy smile  
> The theme: [A Softer World](https://asofterworld.com/archive.php)  
> Originally posted [here](https://comment-fic.livejournal.com/1069968.html?thread=113606288#t113606288).  
> I only own the writing.
> 
> For the curious... From my original author's note: "Asdfghjkl. This is five to ten times longer than I expected it to be. I've been working on it for the past four days. **_It's my first time writing anything in this fandom/universe._** " 
> 
> At the time of writing this fic, I'd seen all of s21, all of s16, the first two eps of s22, and a handful of random eps from before Carisi's time and without Barba. I watched all of that in 2020... half of it in November alone... 6>_>;; Idek what made me finally give the series a shot, but it's mostly Carisi's fault that I kept going. XD;;
> 
> As of yesterday, I've seen all of s17. (And s22 ep3 and the January promo. I can't wait. ❤) I feel bad that Rollins is drinking in this, but neither of us knew. Also, it's not headcanon to me yet, but I'm currently pretending that they've each found a good therapist.


End file.
